Archive for December, 2011

I hate the word Heart

Tuesday, December 20th, 2011

It’s so vague.
“He don’t got enough heart.”
“You have to stay true to your heart!”
“Do you have a heart?”
I just don’t like the sound of that word. Sounds too much like fart.

Integration is the Theme of the 21st Century

Tuesday, December 6th, 2011

Bank on it.
Epiphany just hit me while I was reading the Future in Computing feature in NY Times about Silicon Valley does its business on the spreading of innovation.
Look at music — now wildly dancing through fusions of different genres, micro-genres into genre-less masses of notes.
Don’t even tell me about science and technology, where advances in one field are co-opted into others just as soon as they are made.
Getting really excited about the future. Can’t wait to graduate.

Why Did I do That?

Tuesday, December 6th, 2011

I need to stop asking myself that. Yeah, a little bit of regret is always good, but it’s slowly hit me than I’m only wasting more time (and therefore money), by obsessively dwelling on elements of the path that I cannot change until I’ve found away to supercede relativity.

Still, fuck — why did I give the homeless guy that much money? Goddammit.
What do I have to learn from this? What strategies did the guy use that made me (reluctantly) give him money?

He got in my face. Made it amazingly difficult to turn him away. The thought of turning him down was super uncomfortable, not because of sympathy — hell, the guy said he was hungry, but he was wearing an expensive-looking jacket that I didn’t even think I could afford — but because of my personal inability to say “No” face-to-face with someone. In today’s digital age, one gets so used to turning people down with only brief, polite emails or quick text messages that an in-person rejection becomes a massively uncomfortable exercise.

So less ‘why did I do that’ — what have I learned? If I want something, I gotta try my best to ask for it in person. Take advantage of not somebody’s sympathy, but our inherent desires to take the path of least resistance when it comes to human interactions.

Also, I need to cultive and grow my cajones just a bit more.