Month: June 2012

Inspirational Quote from Louie

In my moments of awkward stammering and verbal fumbling, I sometimes wish that the writers of Louie (which I’m guessing is primarily Louis C.K.), the writers of Mad Men, and the writers of The Colbert Report could take over my vocal functions and pipe their brilliantly written dialog from my mouth.

Brilliant gem from Episode 4 of Louie Season 2 that I saw last night (though not uttered from the mouth of Louis C.K.).

Joan Fisher: It never gets better. We get better.

Being an adult. Unbelievably satisfying. Unbelievably tough. The self-reliance required to be a good, reliable, stand-up person is energy-draining. The self-discipline to avoid venting and complaining amidst all the little toe-stubs and nail-chips in life requires champion mental conditioning. The self-confidence required to stare Old Man Loneliness and Old Woman Insecurity in the face and say “I know you exist and will not hide from you” is harder to sustain than an abdominal plank.

Give a man those three things. Self-reliance, self-discipline, and self-confidence. And he will win many battles.

Why I hate clubs and club-like environments

And all the boys, try to chaaaase me, but here’s my number, so call me maybe…

Hesitant eye contact is made.

“HI, HOW’S YOUR NIGHT GOING?”

“GOOD! HOW ‘BOUT YOUR’S?”

“EXCELLENT!  I’M TALKING TO YOU!”

“WHAT?”

“…I SAID I’M DOING GREAT SINCE I’M TALKING TO YOU.”

“…OKAY.”

“…”

“…”

Shit. “WHAT’S YOUR NAME?”

“CLAUDIA.”

“OH, THAT’S A REALLY COOL NAME.”

“NOT REALLY.”

“TRUST ME IT IS. WHERE IS IT FROM?”

“MY GRANDMA.”

“So how about your Grandma?”

“WHAT?”

“WHERE DID YOUR GRANDMA GET CLAUDIA FROM?”

“…I DON’T KNOW.”

“…”

“…”

“WHAT DO YOU MAJOR IN?”

“I GRADUATED THREE YEARS AGO.”

“OH. WELL, YOU LOOK YOUNG.”

“…THANKS?”

“YEAH, THAT WAS A COMPLIMENT. YOU SHOULD APPRECIATE IT.”

“I DID.”

“…WELL, WHAT DID YOU MAJOR IN?”

“ENVIRONMENTAL STUDIES.”

“OH AWESOME. YOU GUYS ARE SAVING THE PLANET.”

“…RIGHT?”

“MY FRIEND WAS ALSO ENVIRONMENTAL STUDIES.”

“COOL.”

“YEAH, HE WAS COOL. UNTIL HE DIED LAST YEAR.”

“…”

“NOW HE”S COOLER, I GUESS. HAHA…haha…hehe.”

“…”

“LIKE, I MEANT HE WON’T BE CONTRIBUTING ANY MORE METHANE TO THIS PLANET.”

“…I’m sorry?”

“PARDON ME?”

“I’M SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS!”

“WHAT?”

“NEVER MIND.”

“…”

“…”

“I’M GOING TO GO GET A DRINK.”

“BYE.”

******

Some people have a superhuman ability to still hear voices amidst interference from grating electronic beats and Pitbull’s vocal sodomy. I’m not really good at that.
Elaborate modern mating rituals aren’t my thing, really.