The Pain of Inner Mouth Wounds and Swollen, Inflamed Gums

Every time I accidentally chew my lip, or the insides of my cheek while eating, every time someone accidentally headbutts (or purposefully grinds — assholes!) my jaw in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, causing me to bite off a chunk of my inner lip, I dread. For I know the point of trauma will sting like fuck the following day, afflict my consciousness for a few days after.

Inner mouth wounds are among the more fuss-inducing, inconvenient minor injuries one can obtain. The other ones, they annoy, but they don’t obstruct eating and drinking, or at least not the chewing and swallowing part even if the delivery-to-mouth step of the process is hindered. (Chewing and swallowing are actions I believe a mouthed organism should never have to think or stress about.) I can console a sore shoulder by munching on a cream cheese pumpernickel bagel. I can still enjoy slightly over-fried fish and chips on a rolled ankle. And I do not have to anticipate tearing up from citrus juice burn with a jammed finger or wrist.

With an inner mouth cut, the soft tissue surrounding the lesion will swell into something that looks like a mini-volcano. Typically for me (I am not sure if I am alone in this), the nearby gums will also inflame into an element of torture. The pain is two-fold. First, there is the wound itself, and then, there is also the inability to enjoy crunchy, fried food. Life is always slightly less bright when the hardness and flakey nature of fried breading surfaces become lethal and, for a period, I am reduced to water and dairy — string cheese, liquid yogurt, kefir, and milk — as close to a fast as I usually get.


Governor Chris Christie went the stomach surgery route for his weight loss approach. Weak. Obese masochists should consider opting for inner mouth laceration instead. Masochists, along with wrestlers and grapplers who are having trouble dieting for their next tournament and would like to add another facet to their bag of weight-cutting tricks.

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