There are a class of sea lions that look like Huell from Breaking Bad. I have no idea whether they are male or female. I’m guessing male.
I was kayaking yesterday, making my way around the end of a pier. I turned a blind corner —
ORR! ORR! ORR! ORR! ORR!
To my immediate 1 o’ clock, there was a gargantuan Huell resting on a horizontal support beam of the pier. I have no idea how the fuck he managed to lift all of his heft onto that beam. I have no idea how the rotten-looking wood did not give way.
He leered at me and reared his posture. Leapt into the water right in front of the boat and started menacingly slapping water.
Fuck, was he going to jump on the kayak?
I wanted to reverse direction immediately, but my paddling skills still sucked too much. The current did not help. All I managed to do was slow down.
No one was giving way. I pondered how to do a paddle float self rescue while dodging a sea lion’s bite attempts.
But he relented. He whimpered one last, raspy ORR and then dove into the water.
Crisis averted. But I felt bad. Sorry Huell.
Dead seals also look like sea-polished logs. RIP seal. I meant no disrespect by calling you a log.